Parenting Advice : Say No to Comparison
01-10-2016 | Posted By: Admin | 1098 View(s)
All parents want their child to excel in everything. Parents always tend to compare their child with other children because they want to instigate competition in them so that they don’t lag behind other kids in any field. Sometimes, they compare to such an extent that both they and their child become stressed, and the psychological wellbeing of the child starts getting affected.
‘See your friend Richi, she is the same age as you, but unlike you, she is so well-mannered and disciplined.’
‘Your brother got 95% marks in the examinations. Why can’t you learn something from him and become like him?’
These are some of the typical dialogues we can hear in families while comparing their child to others. The sole motivation of comparison is to make the child realise that he/she can do better and learn something from others. None of the parents wants to hurt their child, but these statements bring negativity in the child. It does n’t matter if a child is not good at something, in which others are. Every child has different strengths and potential. Comparing a child with others can lower his/her self-esteem, self-confidence and inculcate hatred and negativity in him/her towards other child and parents. Therefore, it’s imperative for the parents not to compare their child with others.
Negative Effects of Comparing your Child:
• It lowers their self-esteem and self-worth. When a child hears all the time that others are better, they lose confidence in themselves and start believing that they are unworthy and incapable of doing anything. It lowers their morale, and they lose their self-esteem. This feeling can deteriorate the child’s mental and physical health.
• While comparing, the parents pressurise their children to perform like others, without understanding that every child has a different level of potential. This burden makes the child stressed and can even lead to psychological problems, like eating disorders, insomnia, etc.
• Comparison of children with others can make them hostile, jealous and insecure towards the other children and even their siblings. It can even lead to sibling rivalry. As a result, they may opt for aggressive behaviour like fighting, abusing and name-calling with other children.
• It may also lead to suppression of the child’s talent. When the parents compare, they are giving the idea that their child should become like someone else. In the urge of becoming like other children, the child might suppress their talents and reluctantly adopt some other talent in which probably he or she might not do well because their natural abilities are something else.
• When a child is always being compared with other children, they start thinking less of themselves. As a result, children start avoiding public functions. They start withdrawing themselves from their parents, siblings and friends because of less self-confidence.
Parenting Advice: Adopt a Positive Approach:
• Acknowledge the child’s efforts. This will help build their confidence.
• Support them. Take out time for them, and ask if they have any problem in their social, academic or personal life.
• Love what your child does. Every child has different likes, dislikes and abilities. If your child is good at painting, don’t force them to go into some other field. Appreciate their work.
• Even if your child scores low marks, don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed or punish them. Sit with your child and try to understand the reason behind their low academic achievement, and then work together for the child’s improvement.
Always remember that every child is different, and comparison will only hamper their personal growth. The Best parenting advice-Support and love your child and appreciate their efforts. This would build their self-confidence and will help them achieve great success in life because SUCCESS starts with Believing in Oneself.
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